Rear Window

I’m sat at my desk right now trying desperately to do work from my apartment. It’s 9:30 on a Wednesday evening, so we can assume all the working people of Copenhagen are at home. In front of my desk is a window. Through my window is the street below. At the other side of my street is an almost identical block of flats to mine, as this photo demonstrates (snow not included).

I’m now staring at these windows across my street. Some have lights on, some don’t. There are even some candles on the top left windowsill that looks like some saucy mood is trying to be set up there. All these lights, and yet no people. I can see twelve separate living establishments, but there’s no one in them.

I’m beginning to think Hitchcock’s film Rear Window was a bit of an exaggeration. No one is playing the piano; there isn’t a shifty looking bloke on the ground floor in a trilby; and I can see no evidence of any scantily clad actress-to-be lunging up and down while cleaning the fridge.

This is an outrage. Come on Copenhagen you boring city – what is the point of me trying to pry into your vacuous void of a life if you don’t do anything exciting to fill it?

The best I’ve got at the minute is one dark window on the third floor with an occasional blue light illuminating the chasm of boredom in front of it. It’s the telly, of course. Heaven forbid anyone do anything amusing for my benefit.

Good lord! OK so this is genuine. Having written ‘for my benefit’, I looked up from my desk and saw a woman – relatively young as well – hitching up her pants on the third floor directly opposite me! My heart honestly skipped a beat then. Maybe I should take off my shirt in return…

Nah too risky – she’s gone now anyway. Probably to the sex dungeon she part-owns below the bike sheds. The old couple above with the mood candles are stirring though. Granddad is looking attentively at something in the middle of the two windows, while Grandma keeps popping in and out. Oh, she’s gone to light more candles.

Granddad’s got up now. Suppose it’s been seven minutes since he went to the toilet. I think he was sitting by a computer. The flat next to the oldies’ has metal blinds on the windows. How dare they – don’t they know I’m trying to peek into their lives?

What was I blabbering on about earlier? This is great! OK, if I stick my head out of the window and look left, the next building has a flat with three windows – all with plants on the sills. What a posh tart. Oh look, and he’s got a real lampshade as well.

Oh, Granddad’s back. That porn film must have downloaded by now then.

Well apparently there’s more to Copenhagen than I thought. Although to be honest if it wasn’t for that brief glimpse of female thigh I’d probably not be saying that.